I'm here because I'm not all there.

So I'm sick and I blame the flu shot.  Both of them.  Never in my life have I received a flu shot.  But this year, in a new job in a new part of the country, and under fire from the Board of Directors, I gave in and received vaccinations for both the regular flu and the H1N1.  Living in an isolated environment that has 10x as many elk as people, getting the flu wasn't a big concern but I got the vaccines anyway.

 

Good news -  No flu.  And no swine flu either.  HOWEVER, I have never been so sick in all my life.  Two or three day stints all winter with crazy congestion, naseau, and low grade fevers.  I feel lousy for a few days and then I'm over it. I blamed that on the crazy amounts of alcohol I was consuming.  But I quit drinking over a month ago and now I apparently have hit the motherload.  I've been full blown out of commission for 5 days and have not gotten an ounce better.  Swollen glands, so swollen that my neck resembles that of a bull frog.  Ear aches, body aches, and chills.  Tonsils so swollen and full of pus that it looks like I have two cotton balls shoved in my throat.  The inability to swallow without grimacing in pain. The inability to breathe out of my nose during the day, but waking up every hour while sleeping to wipe the snot dripping down my face.  Randomly coughing and winding up puking in the shower, in my hands, on the floor, or my personal favorite, in the kitchen sink full of freshly washed dishes.  It's been a fucking blast. And thanks to not having health insurance and living in an isolated environment with more elk and bison than people, getting to the doctor is near impossible.  Especially when you are afraid that you'll choke on your own phlegm while driving and crash.

 

So tomorrow I'm driving solo to the big city where hopefully I can get put on some better drugs.  Or maybe I'll choke on my own phlegm and crash and die.  At least in the after life I can eat nachos again....

I came to this revelation last week after a hellish February.  There's been lots of changes in my circle of people lately.  My favorite person moved away and further out of my life. I had some health stuff to deal which sucked.  Friends left for extended vacations, other friends are getting into serious relationships and some are getting knocked up.  This leaves me feeling a little left out of all the excitement.  So when asked to housesit for a friend I jumped at the opportunity to escape the solitude of YNP for a few weeks.  I gathered up my clothes, food, some dvds, and my plant.  Yes, a plant.  I've had it for a few months and it was on the verge of blooming and I didn't want to miss it - lame.  So I brought it with me - even lamer.  I thought it was only going to have one bloom, but each day a new bud opens. So today when I came downstairs and noticed the fourth bud had opened, I actually commended my plant on a job well done.  I'm pretty sure rewarding an amarylis for simply completing its life cycle is not entirely sane. So since everyone I know is involved in a serious relationship of some way, shape, or form,  I've decided get a dog.  It seems better than having a relationship with a plant.....

 

In other news, I've become a vegetarian again.  I watched The Cove, which is about dolphin slaughtering.  Granted, dolphin was never a main component of my diet, but after watching the senseless slaughter of thousands of innocent animals I can't feel good about eating meat.  Which will be difficult in Montana where meat is served with a side of meat and most homes have some sort of animal head mounted to the wall.  Hopefully I'll be strong enough to withstand meatball subs from bars....which was why I stopped being a vegetarian the last time....

Facebook is an amazing thing.  It truly is.  I've reconnected with long lost friends, done a better job of staying in contact with current friends, made some new friends and it provides lots of entertainment.  And frustration.  I especially cringe at those few select people who update their status 30 times a day to remind every one of their 300+ friends that they're miserable, having a bad day, don't trust anyone and are heartbroken.  Frankly, I don't care. Maybe if you put as much effort into your relationship as you do in updating your facebook status, you'd still be together.  Just saying...

 

But I never tell anyone this on facebook.  It's their right to update and post as much nonsense as they want.  It's my choice whether or not to read it.  So when I mentioned on facebook that I was going to start blogging, a few of my friends asked me to post a link.  Done.  Now, I have a fair amount of FB friends- people from college, my childhood, HS, work and even some family and family friends are in the mix. Unfortunately for yours truly, this is not a good thing when you blog about the differences of being fuckable vs. dateable and how you only fall into the latter category.  Or when you blog about one night stands.  Or being in a constant state of  "drunk". Who knew that they would click on my link and read it.  Is it my fault they're offended by it?  Absolutely not.  It was their choice to read it.  I didn't force it on anyone.  It's not like it showed up word for word on their newsfeed.  They actually had to open a link and proceed to my actual blog and then read the whole thing.  That requires a lot of effort on their part in my opinion.  So for the next blog that I post to FB, I'll make sure to talk about my favorite vibrator, anal sex, and how I like to swallow.

Being close to my late 20's, most of the people I'm friends with are either dating, engaged, married, or divorced.  The lack of single people is astonishing.  Now I'm not saying I want to get married or anything, but having a guy to do things for, i.e. cooking, massages, mix tapes, etc. would be really nice.  Plus, I love being the little spoon.

This being said, how the hell do all these people have significant others?  I mean, come on!  There are people that I look at and become instantly depressed - if they can have someone, why can't I?  I'm decent looking, smart, I hate drama, enjoy sports and put out.  What the hell.  I've had lengthy "relationships" over the past two years, but no official "dating" has occurred even when I've had serious feeling involved.  Guys seem to have lots of fun hanging out with me, and they'll surely sleep with me, but god forbid one of them develop legit feelings. I can only assume that the reason for this is that I am fuckable, just not dateable. Oh well.  Maybe I'll make a t-shirt about it....

So, what do people usually do on a Friday night?  This past Friday a group of us decided to drink, so we went to the bar and bought a bottle of Southern Comfort to bring home.  (yes, you can do that in Montana)  The boys were playing video games so we played a drinking game based on their performances.  That bottle of SoCo disappeared rapidly.  Then we decided at midnight that an awesome idea would be to hike 5 miles round trip to a cave with natural hot springs.  So 6 people, 4 bathing suits, and 2 headlamps made the trek.    I'm not very sure footed while sober and on solid ground as it is, so take away my glasses, add a nice buzz and 4 inches of fresh snow on an ice pack through the mountains complete with drastic cliffs and scrambling rocks and it's a recipe for disaster.  I fell about 20 times on my way to the cave but it was totally worth it.  The water was warm, not hot, but still amazing.  The cave had all sorts of crazy formations and looked so surreal with just the light from our headlamps.  And I was naked.  With 3 cute boys, 1 of whom is the aforementioned man with the amazing beard who I slept with.  Getting out of the cave sucked because it meant climbing out into 20 degree weather buck naked and soaking wet into the snow.  My feet have never been so cold.  I thought that was the worst pain in the world until I slipped on the snow and fell ass first into a pricker bush.  It made for a very painful hike back.  Just another Friday night in Yellowstone.....